Cachez-Moi Loin: Chance of Redemption
by The Infernal Jynk
Summary: Fourth in the Series. The league's in Alaska for a 2-day event, but Zoe has a secret. How long before Psymon finds out? And how will he react?
1. Zoe's Inner Demons

Zoe sighed softly, snuggled in Psymon's arms. She listened to his soft snoring, his heart beating, and somewhere outside, crickets singing in the night. The league had come up to Alaska for a two-day event and Psymon had not hesitated in the least to make a quick trip to the Vancouver area to get his winnebago and pets. Zoe had gotten a chance to go by her home in the States and pick up a few things, and got her cat. Marisol had never let her have it on the tour bus with them, but then...Marisol's a bitch. Psymon on the other hand had been all to happy to have another pet. Zoe has happy to see Mackerel take so well to Psymon. She wondered if their happy little household would be ready for one more surprise, and if after she told Psymon her secret if he'd still care for her. She had thought he was all she'd ever need, but how could she have been so wrong?  
  
  
  
Psymon grumbled, slapping around on the nightstand for the alarm clock that was going off. He heard the cat yowl as he smacked it, then finally hit the clock. He rolled over and pulled the covers over his head, trying to become one with the bed. He felt Zoe moving around beside him. She poked him and he just groaned, moving further under the covers.  
  
"Come on, Psy, get up. The league only serves breakfast for so long," Zoe said, prodding his little force field of blankets again.  
  
"I don't want any brekkie," Psymon mumbled. "I wanna sleep."  
  
"You can't sleep all day," Zoe answered.  
  
"I'm not gonna sleep all day, just the morning part of it," Psymon replied, peeking out at her from under the covers. He saw Zoe's smile and smiled back. "Why don't you stay with me, and we can go get lunch later?"  
  
"Mm, no, I'm gonna go over to Elise's bus and talk with her for a bit," Zoe answered, getting up. Psymon moved so he could watch her get dressed. She was really pretty in the mornings. Some people looked like hell, like some of those groupies he'd actually let stay the night, but not Zoe. She was definately a morning person. At least she wasn't perky like Kaori. A loud knock sounded on the winnebago's door. Speak of the devil, there was the little brat now.  
  
"Psymon, Zoe," Kaori called from outside. "Are you coming to breakfast?"  
  
"Do me a favor, Zoe," Psymon grumbled, diving back under the covers. "Make sure she chokes on a pancake."  
  
"Try to be nice to her, Psy. She's just a kid," Zoe said walking to the front.  
  
"She's an annoying kid," Psymon grumbled from under his covers. He heard the front door open and the two women talking. Soon something landed on the bed, straddling his legs. He sat up and saw Kaori. "Get the hell off me and get out of my room"  
  
"Aw, Psymon, you are going to go hungry," Kaori said, tugging on his arm. Psymon pulled away, laying back down, and pulled the covers over his head. Suddenly the covers were yanked off him...too far. He sat up, pulling the covers back, but not quick enough that Kaori saw more than she needed to. The girl just blinked, her cheeks burning with her embarrassment. She muttered an apology in Japanese and ran off.  
  
"Yeah, think about that next time you want to wake me up," Psymon yelled after her. He looked at Zoe. "You could've warned me she was going to do a flying tackle and try to get a free show."  
  
"Sorry, hon," Zoe said, trying not to laugh.  
  
"Oh, go get your damn breakfast," Psymon grumbled, hiding under his covers again. "It's too damn early for this crap."  
  
  
  
Zoe walked over to Elise's bus, still chuckling a little bit about the morning's antics. Psymon had eventually calmed back down and went back to sleep with Mackerel curled up beside him. She knocked on the tour bus door and waited a bit. Elise opened the door and smiled at her.  
  
"Come on in," the Canadian said, stepping back from the door. Zoe hopped on up and went back to Elise's bathroom. She shut the door just as the wave of nausea hit her in full force. She lurched over to the toilet and threw up. After awhile of this she rinsed out her mouth and washed her face off, then walked out of the bathroom. Elise just sighed, looking at her.  
  
"You can't hide this from him forever," she said.  
  
"I know, but I'm not sure how he'll take it," Zoe answered. She sat down at the tour bus' table.  
  
"Maybe he'll take it we--" Elise stopped herself. "Oh, right...it's Psymon we're talking about. Well, if it's his, then he should be pretty happy."  
  
"Of course it's his," Zoe snapped, sounding more unsure then she had meant to.  
  
"You sure about that?" Elise asked.  
  
  
  
Psymon finally got out of bed and pulled on some running pants, then went to the kitchen to put some food out for the cat. Afterwards, he put some food in the little dish attached to Sparky's perch. He'd been surprised the cat didn't bother the crow. He went back to the kitchen and gave the cat a quick pat on the head, then fished a mouse out of the small aquarium and dropped it in the larger one for the python. He secured the latches on both aquarium doors and looked at the cat.  
  
"There you go, Mack, you got your Mtv hooked up. All mice, all the time," Psymon said, then walked back to his room, reaching out to stroke the bird's feathers. He sat down on his bed and put on some socks and running shoes. He got up and picked up his crumpled pack of Pall Malls and lit one up. Digging through his closet, he finally found a shirt he was happy with and pulled it on. It was actually his new favorite shirt. When Zoe had seen the words "Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electric Outlet get along?" on it, she hadn't been able to resist buying it for him. He walked back through the winnebago, smoking, then outside. He locked the door and looked around. It felt like one of those kind of days again. He dropped the cigarette down and put it out with the toe of his shoe, then began stretching. He looked up, mid-stretch, at the sound of footsteps and saw Brodi there. He stood up and nodded a greeting.  
  
"So, you ready for me to beat you on the trail again?" Brodi asked, zipping his hooded sweat shirt up.  
  
"Beat me? Hah," Psymon laughed. "I think you've been smoking some of that incense."  
  
"Never," Brodi said. "Come on before breakfast lets out and the rest of them start ambling around."  
  
"Yeah, I don't feel like dealing with them right now," Psymon answered as the two men started jogging down the trail that led around to the bottom of the Alaska course. It had become almost a morning ritual now. Brodi would come over when Psymon decided to get up and the two would go jogging. Afterwards they'd sit around and talk if Psymon felt like it. It had done wonders for keeping his stress level down. Once at the bottom of the trail, they walked over to the ramps being set up for the winner's circle and sat down. A few moments of silence passed before Brodi finally spoke up.  
  
"So what's this I hear about you having piercings below the belt?" he asked.  
  
"Sweet mercy mayhem, how many people did Kaori tell about that?" Psymon groaned. Brodi just laughed.  
  
  
  
Zoe walked back to the winnebago, but found it locked and she had forgotten her key. She sighed, figuring Psymon was out jogging with Brodi. Having nothing better to do she went up to the lodge to go hang out in the lounge. She walked in and saw Marisol and Seeiah in there watching tv. Turning to leave, she wasn't quick enough before Marisol spotted her.  
  
"Man, I wondered what that smell was," the Latin woman called. Seeiah just shook her head and looked apologetic at Zoe. Zoe just glared at them both and walked out, ignoring Marisol's insults. "You'd better keep that maniac on a short leash, before he decides to bed some groupie."  
  
Zoe sighed and walked to the arcade and saw the "league's answer to the Mod Squad", as Psymon put it. She sat down at a table and listened to them talking. Finally Eddie noticed her and came over.  
  
"You feeling okay?" he asked. Zoe looked up at him.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just didn't sleep well," she answered.  
  
"I wouldn't think you'd be able to sleep at from what I've heard about Psymon," Eddie replied, winking. Zoe laughed.  
  
"You know you can't believe rumors," she said. "No, I've just not been feeling well."  
  
"Oh, well, I hope you get better," Eddie said, then looked at Mac and Kaori. "Hey! It's my turn on Alien Invaders."  
  
Zoe smiled as he walked back over to them. She hoped she got better, too, but this really wasn't something one got better from. She wish she could find the courage to tell Psymon before he found out, but she had to be sure of a few things first. The big problem nagging at her was how he would take the news. The other major thing was...was it his? 


	2. The Talk and Questions

Note: I hope no one ever has to get The Talk from Psymon...ever! Scary. Anyhow, the "Sweet sneaky Jesus" line is credited to my best pal TPITMS who came up with it after watching a certain skit on Late World With Zach (we hate you, VH1!). Now, on with the fic!  
  
  
  
Psymon was sitting in the lodge's dining hall, wolfing down a hamburger. He looked up at the figure in front of him, and smiled around a mouthful of food. Kaori plunked down in front of him and sat there watching him for a bit, then snatched up one of his french fries and popped it in her mouth.  
  
"You come by to steal my fries?" Psymon grumbled, pulling his plate closer to him.  
  
"Psymon," Kaori said quietly, "did it hurt?"  
  
"Did what hurt Kaori?" Psymon asked, taking another bite of his hamburger.  
  
"The piercing," Kaori replied. Psymon began choking on his lunch. Kaori looked at him. "Psymon? Are you okay?"  
  
"Sweet sneaky Jesus, Kaori," Psymon finally gasped out, coughing. "What the hell is your problem?"  
  
"Ashikarazu," Kaori replied quietly. She looked up at Psymon through her bangs. Psymon sighed.  
  
"First time seeing a guy, kid?" he asked, looking her over. The girl nodded quietly, blushing. Psymon just groaned and settled back in his chair. "Not what you thought, eh?"  
  
"It's...no, it's not," Kaori softly. Great, Psymon thought, now he had to be guilty about the kid seeing his jimmy.  
  
"Kaori, um, you okay?" Psymon asked. The girl just shrugged. Psymon knew he was going to regret having The Talk with her, but since she brought it up and no one else seemed to have discussed it with her. "You want to talk about it?"  
  
"I don't know what to ask or what to say," Kaori answered. She looked up at him, embarrassment clearly showing in her dark brown eyes. "I should not be bothering you with this."  
  
"Look, you sorta saw something I don't think you should've, but what's done is done," Psymon answered, taking a bite of his hamburger. He figured she didn't want to talk afterall. Good, it got him off the hook.  
  
"What is sex like?" Kaori blurted out, causing Psymon to choke again. He glared at Kaori.  
  
"Are you trying to kill me on purpose?" Psymon barked, then felt instantly bad as the girl shrunk back from him. He sighed. Why him? "Sorry, Kaori, I didn't mean to yell. Why do you want to know about sex? You and Mac aren't thinking about it, are you?"  
  
"Oh, no," Kaori answered a bit too quickly, eyes wide. Gotcha, Psymon thought. Kaori looked down, then took another one of his fries.  
  
"Hey, either talk to me, or go get your own damn fries," Psymon said gruffly. Kaori sighed.  
  
"I..we are not thinking about sex," she said. "But I've heard you and Zoe sometimes when I walk by your bus at night. It sound like it hurt."  
  
"Well, sorry to keep you up at night," Psymon replied, smirking. "No, it doesn't hurt. It feels good. I just don't recommend doing it with people you really don't care for."  
  
"Like you and Marisol?" Kaori asked. Psymon glared at her, pounding his fist on the table.  
  
"Dammit, I wasn't with Marisol. Fuck what she said," the Canadian growled, making Kaori shrink back from him again.  
  
"Sorry, I did not mean to upset you," Kaori replied quietly. Psymon sighed, pushing his plate away and laying his head down on the table, cover his head with his arms. He was hoping Kaori would just go away. "I just want to know how you do sex."  
  
"Can't you just go get a book?" Psymon asked, not looking at her. He groaned softly, really regretting having this conversation now. He felt Kaori poke him.  
  
"What can I learn in a book that you can't tell me?" she asked. Psymon sighed, still not moving. So much for his quiet lunch. He sat up and looked at her.  
  
"Okay, how do have sex...um...well," Psymon started, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. "First get someone you really care about that you won't regret being with later, then get naked with them. There's a lot of kissing and touching...you sure you don't want a book for this? No, eh? Well, um, then one of you gets on top...usually the guy, and you sorta go at it. Kaori, I really don't know what exactly you want to know."  
  
"I'm not sure," Kaori replied, blushing furiously. "What do you mean 'go at it'?"  
  
"I am not having this conversation," Psymon grumbled. He sighed, looking at Kaori. "Um, well, the guy...um..I'm not really good at explaining this."  
  
"It's okay, Psymon," Kaori answered, laying a hand on his arm. Psymon just smiled at her. He realized this was embarrassing for both of them. Man, is this what it would be like if he ever had to sit down with his own kids one day?  
  
"Okay, Kaori. I'm just going to go through this once," Psymon replied. Without thinking about it, he made a few hand gestures to get his point across as he explained. "The guy takes his...erm...thing and he puts it in the girl. There a lot of moving and moaning and stuff, then they come and that's about it. The guy usually falls asleep afterwards."  
  
"Does it hurt?" Kaori asked. Psymon shrugged.  
  
"It doesn't hurt the guy, but it hurts a girl sometimes," he answered. "Especially during her first time. Kaori, really, you shouldn't be thinking about it right now. Go be a kid, please. Get married and then have sex. Just don't screw up you life the way I did."  
  
"You screw up your life over sex?" the Japanese girl asked. Psymon just smirked.  
  
"No, I screwed up 'cause I was stupid, but yeah, I had sex before I was ready," he answered. "Believe me, I wish I'd waited."  
  
"Why didn't you?" the girl asked, her hand rubbing along Psymon's arm.  
  
"I didn't know what love was. I was a stupid kid," he answered. "Now, I'm a stupid man that regrets a lot of stuff he did when he was younger."  
  
"You are not stupid, Psymon," Kaori said. "Crazy, maybe, but by no means stupid."  
  
"Mmm, well, I hope this little talk helped," Psymon said, getting up. He picked up his plate and walked around to her side of the table and kissed her cheek, then said softly in her ear, "Next time you want advice, look somewhere else. This is the last time."  
  
Psymon walked off, leaving a very stunned Kaori sitting there, rubbing her cheek. He left his plate with the kitchen staff and walked to the lounge, but decided against walking in when he saw Marisol there. He walked back outside toward his winnebago instead. He figured maybe he could get some time in at the indoor heated pool before anyone started looking for him.  
  
  
  
Zoe looked up as Psymon walked up. She'd been sitting on the steps to the winnebago, waiting for him to come home. Psymon just shook his head and knealt down in front of her, pulling her into a hug. He nuzzled her neck gently.  
  
"Are you trying to catch a cold, love?" he asked softly, pulling back from her and getting up.  
  
"No, I forgot my key," Zoe answered, letting Psymon help her up. She waited as he unlocked the door, then walked in behind him, taking a moment to admire his back, the muscles showing underneath the thin material of his t-shirt. She walked to the bedroom and laid down, laughing as Psy sat down at the foot of the bed and started removing her shoes for her. "What are you doing?"  
  
"You're not laying on the bed with muddy shoes," Psymon answered. "Besides, you might be more comfortable just in stocking feet."  
  
"Thanks," Zoe said, curling up. Mackerel strutted in and hopped up on the bed, then curled up with her. She just pet the cat, listening to his purring, while watching Psymon get undressed. "What's up, Psy?"  
  
"I was going to go swimming at the lodge's pool. Want to come along?" he asked, pulling off his pants. Zoe sighed.  
  
"Much as I'd like to, I'd rather just rest a bit. I'm feeling kind of tired," she answered, closing her eyes as not to be tempted by his body. She felt extra weight on the bed and opened her eyes, to see him sitting down on the bed. He leaned down and kissed her. Zoe just pulled him closer, kissing back. Well, he certainly was in the mood, but Zoe wasn't. She pushed him back, when his hands began wondering a bit too much.  
  
"What?" Psymon asked, sitting up. Zoe just shook her head and rolled over, facing away from him. She went on petting the cat, listening to Psymon getting dressed. She felt a quick kiss from him on her shoulder. "I'll be back after awhile, okay?"  
  
"Alright," Zoe said, looking back at him. She laid back down when he left, curling up. She poked the cat. "Hey, Mackerel, you still love me, right?" The cat didn't answer, aside from purring. "Yeah, well, I hope Psymon does too when I finally tell him what's wrong with me."  
  
  
  
Psymon swam lazy laps around the pool, his mind floating elsewhere. What was up with Zoe anyway? First she was all over him, then it was cold. They'd been living together for months now, but he got the vague impression she really didn't want to be with him. He wished he knew what he had done wrong so he could make it right, but Zoe didn't seem to want to tell him. What was happening to their realtionship? 


	3. And The Wrathful Shall Fall

Zoe woke up hearing the bedroom door slam open. She felt the cat get up and run off, and looking up at Psymon, she didn't blame him. The Canadian glared at her from the doorway, then walked over and sat on the bed. Zoe tried to sit up, but he pushed her back down by the shoulders. What the hell was wrong with him?  
  
"No, no, you and I are going to talk, and you're going to stay for it. No running off anymore," Psymon said, gently holding her down.  
  
"Psy, what are you doing?" Zoe asked, trying not to let her fear creep into her voice. She'd never been afraid of Psymon before, not since that night at Garibaldi, anyway, but right now he looked capable of doing anything.  
  
"Easy, easy, I'm not going to hurt you, love," he said softly, letting go. "I want to talk, but I don't want you giving me the run around or flat out leaving."  
  
"Fine," Zoe said, sitting up. "Talk."  
  
"What the hell is going on? Lately you've been running hot and cold," Psymon answered. "I'm tired of it. Do you want me or not?"  
  
"What? No," Zoe replied, touching Psymon's cheek. "I love you, Psymon. Whatever made you think otherwise?"  
  
"You kicked me out of bed the other night when I wanted to make love, for starters. You did it again this afternoon. What am I doing wrong? Did I piss you off or something? I can't handle this touch-me-not relationship," he said. Zoe let her hand drop. So, he figured out finally something was up. She had wanted a better time to tell him, like, maybe after she found out who the father was, but she didn't have any more time on her side.  
  
"Psymon, um, you have some whisky in the cabinet, right?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah, why?" he asked, raising his pierced brow.  
  
"I think you're gonna need a drink," Zoe answered quietly, looking down.  
  
"Sweet mercy mayhem," Psymon breathed. "So that it, eh? It's over? Fine. I'll let you pack up, just be gone before I get back." He started to get up, but Zoe tackled him, knocking him on his back. She straddled his hips and looked down into his startled icy blue eyes.  
  
"Hey, big guy, don't go all half-cocked on me, okay?" Zoe said, holding him down. "I swear I don't know what's more infuriating, your short temper or the morning sickness."  
  
"Eh? Morning sickne--" Psymon started, then his eyes go wide. "Zoe?"  
  
"Yeah," she answered softly, letting him sit up. Psymon wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. "Ugh, not too much, you crazy Canuck."  
  
"Oh, right," Psymon replied sheepishly, relaxing his grip. "How long have you known?"  
  
"About two months," Zoe answered. The Canadian frowned at her.  
  
"And just when were you going to tell me? When I noticed your tummy getting bigger?" he asked.  
  
"No, um, well," Zoe began, looking away. "There's more."  
  
"More? It's not twins is it?" Psymon asked. "'cause I'm gonna need a bigger bus."  
  
"Not twins," Zoe replied, her voice starting to shake a bit with the tears she was holding back. Psymon gently turned her face back to him.  
  
"Hey, forget it, what ever it is, we'll face it together," he answered, kissing her. "You'll tell me when you're ready. Just please don't let it be triplets."  
  
With that, Zoe threw her arms around Psymon, knocking him onto his back again. She kissed him passionately, full of relief from finally telling him the majority of it. He had taken it surprisingly well, but then, he didn't know yet there was a chance he wasn't the father. Psymon rolled her onto her back and looked down at her. Zoe sighed, smiling up at him. She didn't know why she'd kept it from him for so long. She accepted his gentle kisses, feeling his hands slide under her shirt. She sighed softly, letting him explore her body. He needed this and so, she reminded herself, did she. She wriggled about under him, letting him undress her. She giggled as he kissed her belly. Soon he was undressed as well, still kissing and caressing her body.  
  
"Zoe?" Psymon asked softly against her neck. "Is it, um, safe to do this?"  
  
"I wouldn't have let you before if it wasn't," Zoe answered, kissing his shoulder. That was all he needed to know. Soon he was inside her, as gentle as he'd ever been. Zoe clung to him, rocking slightly with his motions. Moments later, she heard a soft grunt from Psymon, then a low moan of pleasure as a familiar warmth filled her. She quickly pushed him to the side to keep him from laying on her, then snuggled against him. "I love you, big guy."  
  
"Mm...love you, too, Zo'," Psymon mumbled sleepily. He pulled a blanket over them, then wrapped his arms around her. It wasn't long before she heard his soft snoring. Zoe sighed, listening to his heart beat, hoping that he'd still be willing to do this later...and if the child wasn't his.  
  
  
  
Psymon and Brodi sat in silence for a long time, staring up at the Alaska course. He'd asked him to come out here so he could ask his advice, as always. Now, he wasn't sure how to ask him. He didn't even know what to ask him.  
  
"Well, grasshopper, it's fun sitting around with you and all, but I really do have things I need to take care of before tomorrow's showoff event," Brodi said, patting Psymon's shoulder and getting up.  
  
"I don't want Zoe in the competition tomorrow," Psymon blurted out. Brodi just looked at him.  
  
"Hey, you knew you'd have to compete against her when you started the relationship," the older man said softly.  
  
"No, it's not that. I like competing with Zoe, gives us something to talk about later," Psymon replied. Brodi sat back down.  
  
"Alright, grasshopper, what's going on?" he asked. Psymon just shrugged.  
  
"I don't think Zoe should be in the competitions anymore," he said. "At least, not for awhile."  
  
"Hmm? Why?" Brodi asked.  
  
"She, uh, told me why she's been so distant lately," the Canadian answered.  
  
"She told you that Hiro visited her while she was in the States during the off season?" Brodi asked. "I know she wanted to tell you about it, but she wasn't sure how. Glad she finally got that out in the open." He saw the look on Psymon's face. "Oh, Buddah, she didn't tell you."  
  
"What was Hiro doing there?" Psymon asked, his voice as dark as the look creeping into his eyes. Brodi moved to get up, but not fast enough. Psymon held his shoulder, looking him in the eye. "What was he doing there, Brodi?"  
  
"I told you in Tokyo to ask Zoe," Brodi said calmly. Psymon gave him a hard shake.  
  
"I want you to tell me," Psymon growled. "Because I don't trust myself with the woman I love right now."  
  
"Psymon, we're friends," Brodi replied, keeping his voice level, even though Psymon could see fear in his eyes.  
  
"And I do appreciate your friendship, Zen master, but I am going to rip one of your arms off and begin beating you with it unless you tell him what Hiro was doing with Zoe," Psymon snapped, grabbing one of Brodi's arms and twisting it until the older man yelped in pain.  
  
"Great Buddah, Psymon, stop, please," Brodi begged. "I'll tell you, just stop."  
  
"Fine then," the crazy boarder answered, releasing Brodi. The surfer rubbed his sore arm and sighed.  
  
"He went there to try and rekindle the old flame. From what Zoe told me, it didn't work. She sent him packing," he said. Psymon shook his head.  
  
"So, did she realize it wouldn't work before or after she slept with him?" he asked, wrapping his arms about himself.  
  
"What're you talking about, Psy?" Brodi said, looking at him.  
  
"She's pregnant. That's what I came out here to ask you about," Psymon said, visibly calming down. "Oh, god, it's probably not even mine." He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his forehead against his legs. Brodi rubbed his back gently.  
  
"You have to give her the benefit of doubt, grasshopper," he said softly. "You don't know that they slept together."  
  
"Yeah, I do," Psymon answered softly, still hunched in a ball. "Marisol told me at the dinner, remember?"  
  
"Oh, what does she know?" Brodi asked.  
  
"Apparently a lot. You told me that Karoi heard Marisol and Hiro talking before Marisol came out to the balcony," Psymon replied, finally looking up. He rested his chin on his knees and sighed.  
  
"Psymon, Marisol will say anything to get you in her bed. She thinks you're some sort of animal that needs to be tamed," Brodi said. "She only wants you for one thing, but Zoe....she loves you. She's seen you at your worst, grasshopper, and she's still with you."  
  
"I love Zoe, but I don't think I can raise another man's child as my own," Psymon whipsered. "I don't even think I can look at Zoe the same way."  
  
"I think you and Zoe need to have a long talk before you get settled on any dicisions, friend," Brodi advised. Psymon shrugged, then shuddered.  
  
"She made love to me," Psymon said, his voice cracking with emotion. "All those times, knowing that she had been with him, that her child probably wasn't even mine."  
  
"Hey, don't beat yourself up over this. I'm sure when she first found out, it din't cross her mind that you weren't the father. Now, you just got to be there for her, man. She's going to need love and support...and maybe someone to get her pickles and ice cream at two in the morning. Ah, there. See? I knew you could still smile. This is hard for her Psymon. She's obviously been carrying this burden by herself. You need to let her know you're there for her," Brodi replied softly.  
  
"What," Psymon started, "what if I can't be there? I don't want her passing Hiro's brat off as mine. What am I going to do?" He put his head back down, tears rolling down his cheeks.  
  
"Well, first, you're going to have yourself a good cry, grasshopper, then you're going to go back to Zoe and talk with her, calmly, about your feelings and the next step you two should take together," the older man answered, rubbing Psymon's back. He felt a small shock of surprise as Brodi put his arms around him and gave him a hug. "Now, you need to do some thinking on your own. You can come by my bus if you want later, but talk to Zoe before you do. I want you to get that straightened out, ok? Give yourself some time, not all answers come in the blink of an eye. I hope you have plenty to think about before you come back to camp. I'm sorry I can't give you anymore advice." Brodi got up, giving Psymon a final pat on the shoulder, and started to walk off.  
  
"The teacher opens the door, but you must walk through it alone," Psymon called softly, looking up. Brodi looked back at him and smiled.  
  
"You are capable of learning then, my student," he said, then continued on his way. Psymon just watched his friend until the darkness swallowed him up. He sighed softly and rested head back on his knees. He knew it had to be true what Marisol had told him, well, part of it, anyway. Zoe had obviously been with Hiro, he could tell that much in the way she had acted earlier. He didn't want her having someone else's kid, but he knew it wasn't his right to ask her to get rid of it. Either way, he wasn't going to play daddy to Hiro's brat. He wasn't sure he really wanted Zoe around him either. It sucked, they'd come so far only so he could have to tell her to leave, that wasn't fair. And what if it was his?  
  
Psymon shuddered at that thought. His father had beat the living shit out of him nearly every day of his life until he'd had the balls to finally fight back. He'd landed a good blow on his father's jaw and was promptly rewarded with a near-fatal beating. Laying in his bed that night, the sheets soaked with his blood, he knew he'd have to leave or die. He had waited till he knew his parents were asleep and crept out of bed. After getting dressed and packing a few belongings, he'd stolen into the kitchen and raided it for anything he thought would last for more than a few days. His mother had come in during it and looked at him. He had tried to bolt, fearing she'd sic his father on him, but she'd grabbed his arm. Then, she'd surprised him by tucking money into his hand. He'd looked at her, truly, for the first time that night. The bruises on her face, her swollen lip, she took her abuse as well. He'd left, after letting his mother help him pack, and hadn't been back to that small house. Sure, he'd called his mother a few times, letting her know he was still alive, but he never spoke to his father.  
  
Not until after his sixteenth birthday, when he'd plunged onto those powerlines. His parents had come to see him in the hospital. His father had gloated, calling him a screw-up and worse, but his mother, bless her, had waited until his father had left, then gave him the teddy bear. She'd stroked his cheek, while singing a lullaby. Only days later, they put him in the hell that was a mental institution. Having no where else to go afterwards, he'd gone home, and had a door slammed in his face. It was not a childhood he was willing to share with anyone, or bring down on his own children.  
  
Fatherhood was something he really wasn't sure he could handle. He didn't want to abuse his children the way his father had seen fit to do to him. No child should ever have to feel their parent's hate. He could hear the voices murmuring, laughing. Well, why not? He was surprised they hadn't bothered him earlier, commanding him to hurt Brodi. He knew the voices, knew them all by name. His father laughed at him, calling him a failure and a constant disappointment. His mother cried, wanting him to be free of this life he lived. The infantile voice of his unborn sister, killed by an angry blow from his father, screamed her jealousy that he should live and she couldn't. Somewhere, in the midst of it all, his friend...his deceased friend cautioning him, always cautioning him, to be careful, to be watchful. Psymon clutched at his head, the noise in his skull almost unbearable.  
  
You live and breed while I rot in the ground! his sister raged.  
  
You'll be the same as me, son, hateful and crazed, his father taunted.  
  
Be free of your chains, son. Be free of this life, his mother wailed.  
  
Don't give in. Don't be the monster, his dead friend whispered.  
  
Psymon shook with his sobs, begging silently for them to go away, to leave him be. It hurt, when they got like this. Loud, too loud for his fragile skull to contain. He whimpered softly, whispering to the voices, pleading with them to be silent. He lurched to his feet, fighting to keep his balance under the onslaught of the yammering in his head. He leaned against the lighting rig for the winner's circle. He knew the cause of the voices were only partially the electricity, the rest was all the guilt and fear he felt. Guilt for living while his sister was murdered before she lived. Fear of being the man his father was. Guilt for leaving his mother at the abusive hands of his father while he sought a better life. Fear of dying in a pool of his own blood after living life too hard, and never being remembered for it. He looked at his left arm, covered with the tattooed chains, only now they looked like real chains binding him to his body, this life. He lashed out at the rig, trying to use it to break his chains, unaware of the deep gash he'd made from his wrist to his elbow. He backed away, blood marking his trail in the snow, and stumbled towards the path back up the mountain. His father and sister's voice raged at him, laughing at his pain, while his mother's voice begged him to escape his pain. All the while his friend cautioned him....against what?  
  
Shaking from pain, more than the cold, Psymon leaned against one of the spectator stands near the top of the course. He really didn't feel well now, but couldn't figure out why. He wiped his forehead with his arm, unaware of the blood covering it, and now his face. He shook his head, trying to make the voices shut up. When it didn't work, he moved, pressing on toward the top of the mountain. He knew he'd be okay if he could just get back to camp, back to Zoe.  
  
You would want that whore, knowing she's carrying another man's child? his father asked, hate edging the phantom voice.  
  
You deserve better than her, better than the life you live, his mother cried.  
  
Psymon growled, putting his hand to his temple. All the ignoring and concentration he'd worked at for years no longer had effect against the voices. He pulled his hand away, barely feeling the scratches he left where his nails had dug into his flesh. He looked up at the top of the course. It was closer now. He had a chance to make it back. Someone there would be able to help him. He started walking, grunting softly from the exertion it took, not from walking, but keeping the voice at bay long enough to concentrate on where he was going. He closed his eyes, a sharp cry of pain escaping his lips as the voices roared louder, infuriated by being forced into silence. Psymon never even felt his foot slip. His eyes flew open as he flung his hands out grasping for....aw, shit. He watched the sky above him, the stars twinkling in the heavens. For a brief moment he wondered if that was his last vision, and why it couldn't have been of Zoe, then the ground rushed up to embrace him. He didn't really know if he felt the impact before everything went blindly white, then suddenly dark. Too dark. Psymon had never told anyone he was afraid of that endless dark. 


	4. Searching

Zoe sat up in bed, not really knowing what had woke her up. She looked down at Mackerel, pacing furiously on Psymon's side of the bed. Where was he anyway? He had said he was going to talk with Brodi for a bit, but, she glanced at the clock, that had be nearly six hours ago. Something was wrong. She didn't know how she knew it, but all of a sudden the air felt very heavy. It was almost as if a sickly sweet smell hung there so thick it was almost visible. She pulled on one of Psymon's shirts, greatful that his scent seemed to chase the odd phantom smell away, then got on his old beat- up robe. She didn't know why she suddenly had the urge to emerse herself in all that was Psymon. She sat on the bed and looked at Sparky, who fluttered about agitatedly on his perch. She'd never seen the bird so upset before. She got up and reached out to pet him, nearly having her fingers snapped off. She backed up from the crow and quickly darted around him out into the kitchen area. Even the snake seemed restless this evening. Something very strange was going on, and it put such a feeling of unease into Zoe it chilled her to her soul.  
  
She left the winnebago, not bothering to lock the door behind her and ran across the small encampment to the bus Brodi shared with Eddie. After several moments of pounding furiously, the door finally opened and Eddie stuck his head out.  
  
"What you want, sistah?" Eddie mumbled sleepily. "You know what time it is?"  
  
"Where's Brodi?" Zoe asked.  
  
"Asleep, like you ought to be," Eddie said, starting to shut the door. Zoe pushed it open, knocking the skinny man back, and stormed down to Brodi's room. After kicking the door open, she pounced on Brodi, shaking him furiously.  
  
"Ah! What in Zen hell?" Brodi shouted, finally grasping Zoe's hands and holding her back.  
  
"Where's Psymon?" Zoe asked, struggling to smack Brodi some more. "Where is he?"  
  
"What is the problem? Ow! Calm down, Zoe," Brodi yelled, pulling her into a tight hug and holding her fast. Zoe squirmed against him, then finally gave up, lapsing into sobs against the man's chest. Brodi stroked her hair. "Zoe, what's happened?"  
  
"I don't know. I woke up and the animals were going crazy. Psymon's not in the winnebago. I don't know where he is," Zoe cried. "He was suppose to be with you. Where is he, Brodi?"  
  
"I haven't a clue. I left him sitting at the bottom of the course," he answered calmly. "He knows about you and Hiro, Zoe."  
  
"You told him?" Zoe asked, looking up at Brodi. He just nodded. "How could you?"  
  
"I thought you had already told him. I didn't know he wanted my advice on how to handle your pregnancy," Brodi answered, letting Zoe sit up.  
  
"Whoa, you're prenant, Zoe? Congrats," Eddie said from the door way. Both Zoe and Brodi looked at him. "What I can share in the good news? Ow, if looks could kill....alright, alright, I'm going."  
  
"He didn't take it well about me and Hiro, did he?" Zoe asked after Eddie had shut the door. Brodi shook his head.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you'd slept with Hiro?" he asked softly.  
  
"Because I was ashamed that I hadn't been as strong as Psymon in resisting temptation," Zoe answered, looking down, new tears flooding her eyes and spilling down her cheeks. "How did he find out about that, anyway?"  
  
"Well, Hiro told Marisol. I think you can figure out the rest," Brodi said, reaching up to wipe away Zoe's tears. "The thing now is, if Psymon didn't come home, where is he?"  
  
"I don't know, that's why I came here. I just couldn't stay in the winnebago. The animals were acting too weird and it was like the air was just....thick," Zoe said, sniffling. She looked up at Brodi's concerned eyes. "I think something really bad has happened."  
  
"Yeah, we'd better get the others to help up look for him," Brodi answered, getting up. He helped Zoe up and the two walked back up front. "I'll get Eddie back out of bed and you start rounding the others up. I'll go tell the officials that something's happned."  
  
"Okay," Zoe said, wiping her eyes and cheeks. She walked back out into the cold and made her way across to the bus Elise now shared with Kaori, trying not to look at the winnebago, and began pounding on the door. Soon a very sleepy Japanese girl answered.  
  
"Zoe, it is early," she murmured.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kaori, but I need you and Elise to get dressed and come outside," Zoe said, cluthing Psymom's battered robe tighter about her body.  
  
"Why? What's wrong? Come in, Zoe, get warm," the girl said, moving out of the way. Zoe stepped inside, shivering. Elise had gotten up and walked into the front now, as well.  
  
"What's going on?" Elise asked. "Please don't tell me you're having complications with the baby."  
  
"Baby?" Kaori asked. "Zoe, I did not know you and Psymon were going to be parents. Omedeto!" Kaori chirped.  
  
"Kaori, Psymon probably isn't the father," Elise said softly. Zoe glared at her.  
  
"You don't know that. Besides, this isn't the reason I came here," she said. "I need your help, both of you. Psymon hasn't come home and neither Brodi, nor I know where he is."  
  
"Did you check Marisol's bus?" Elise asked.  
  
"He can't stand her and you know it. I think something really bad happened," Zoe said. Elise hugged her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zoe. We'll help you look for him, won't we Kaori?" she said softly.  
  
"Hai," Kaori answered. Zoe thanked them and went on back outside after telling them the last place Brodi had seen Psymon. She walked across to Mac and Moby's bus and got them up. After a quick explaination, she hurried over to JP and Luther's bus. Again, she explained the situation and got them to agree to help. Finally, and reluctantly, she plodded over to the bus Marisol and Seeiah shared. She knocked on the door till Marisol answered.  
  
"What do you want, girl?" the Latin woman asked bitterly.  
  
"I need your help, you and Seeiah both," Zoe said quickly.  
  
"Look elsewhere, we are not interested," Marsiol snapped, starting to shut the door. Zoe stepped up and shoved hard, not only opening the door, but knocking Marisol on her rear.  
  
"You'd better get interested," Zoe hissed, leaning close and grabbing a handful of blonde hair. she jerked hard, getting a yelp of pain from Marisol. "You get up and you get dressed and get your sorry ass outside. For once in your pathetic life, do something other than make trouble."  
  
"Zoe, what's going on?" Seeiah asked, coming out of her room. She managed to pulled Zoe off Marisol and held her. Marisol stood up and looked at her, sneering.  
  
"I'll have you out of the league for that, bitch," she said, giving Zoe a quick punch to the stomach. Zoe moved, trying not to let the blow connect, but it still glanced her hip. She pulled free of Seeiah's grip and pounced on Marisol.  
  
"Listen, you idiot, and try to get it through your thick skull," Zoe shouted. "Psymon didn't come home. No one knows where he is. I think he's out there by the course, but something's wrong. So get your silicone- impanted ass up, and help me find him." She got up, jerking Marisol to her feet, then shoved her towards the bedrooms.  
  
"You really think he's hurt?" Seeiah asked from behind Zoe. The punky boarder just nodded at her, then looked back at Marisol.  
  
"And if you ever try to harm my child again, I'll kill you," she yelled, wrapping her arms around her belly.  
  
"Child?" Marisol laughed. "Then Hiro told the truth after all about you two. Tell me, does Psymon know it's not his?"  
  
"No, but then, it might be his afterall. Please, Marisol, I know you hate me, but you care about Psy, in your own twisted way," Zoe said softly. "For his sake, please help me find him."  
  
"Fine, I suppose I owe you this little favor," the Latin woman said. Zoe just nodded and walked back outside. She saw Brodi and the officials coming towards her and ran up to meet them.  
  
"They're gonna close the course off till we find him, Zoe," Brodi said softly. "Come on, I'll show you where I was talking with him." Zoe just nodded, letting the surfer lead her down the trail to the bottom of the course. They looked around, seeing Psymon's tracks all over the winner's circle area. Zoe noted something dark in the snow and wondered over. She gasped at the blood and looked up at the lighting rig, seeing blood all over it, then looked around and spotted the trail.  
  
"Brodi, over here," she called. Brodi walked over and shined the beam of his flashlight down on the blood.  
  
"Well, that can't be good," he commented, then shined the light around, finding Psymon's trail of footprints and blood. "Looks like he went this way. You're right, Zoe, it looks like he's hurt. I don't get it, he was fine when I left him."  
  
"Maybe he didn't get far," Mac said, looking up the course. Zoe and Brodi began following the trail Psymon had left, the other boarders and officials following behind them. The trail only went about two-thirds up, then stopped at a spectators stand. Kaori had pointed out the blood smeared on the side of the stand. The search party fanned out, knowing Psymon was close by. They called his name, searching under ever pile of snow and in every nook and cranny. Zoe shined her flashlight down at the course, waving the beam back and forth over the ice till it shined on something red.  
  
"Oh, no," she breathed, then began looking around for a way to climb down. "Brodi, help me, I think I found him."  
  
Brodi rushed over and began helping her make her way down to the course's bottom. The two walked over to the still form as the other's watched. Not a breath escaped any of them as Zoe and Brodi knealt next to Psymon. Zoe laid a hand on his chest, tears welling up in her eyes, and felt a faint beating under his sternum. Zoe started crying harder, this time with joy and relief, and laid her head down on Psymon's chest. She could feel his ragged breaths. Wrapping her arms around him, she clung to his still body till the paramedics came. Brodi pulled her back so the men could work. All of the other boarders stood around as Psymon was laid on the stretcher, then raised up into the care-flight helicopter above. Zoe just buried her face against Brodi's chest, letting him comfort her.  
  
  
  
  
  
Psymon moaned softly, opening his eyes, then wincing at the sharp pain as light flooded his vision. He groaned softly, feeling a sharp pain in his hand as he raised his arm. He looked down at the IV in the back of his hand, then up at the white ceiling overhead. Another hospital? Or was this hell and he was back in the hospital after his electrocution? He heard the door open and looked over, seeing a man and woman standing there. The woman walked toward him.  
  
"Mama?" Psymon asked softly, his voice raspy. The woman strokes his forehead as his vision began to clear. The buzzing in his ears started to become recognizable as voices. "Mama, answer me, please."  
  
"Shh, Psymon," the woman's voice soothed. "It's okay." Psymon reached out for her, but the man pushed his hand down.  
  
"Easy there, grasshopper," then man said in Brodi's voice, although Psymon only saw his father's face. He tried to fight with the man, but was easily subdued. "Take it easy, Psymon."  
  
"He's going to be okay, isn't he?" the woman asked. Psymon looked at her. Funny, he didn't remember his mother having bright red hair. He tried to get up but both the man and woman kept him down. "Don't, Psymon, you're not ready to move around yet."  
  
Psymon whimpered softly, settling back on the bed. He ached all over. The last thing he remembered was seeing the stars over head. He'd fallen off a cliff...again. He hadn't landed on powerlines this time, but ice. The Alaska course. He remembered now. He opened his eyes, not really remembering he'd closed them and looked at the two figures sitting on his bed. He felt the woman take his hand again.  
  
"Mama?" he called softly. The woman squeezed his hand gently. His vision began to clear more. It must've been som knock on the head to have him this out of it. He closed his eyes and swallowed, wincing at his sore throat. He opened his eyes and looked up at Zoe and Brodi. "Brodi? Zoe?"  
  
"Hey," Zoe said softly, smiling at him.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked. Brodi helped him sit up and handed him a glass of water. Psymon took a long sip, almost choking. Brodi took the glass back.  
  
"Easy, friend," he said. "Do you remember what happened?"  
  
"Yeah, you left and I started walking back, then I heard the voices. I tried to make them be quiet, but they put chains around me, so I tried to cut them off. I fell off the cliff after that. The last thing I saw was the stars overhead," Psymon replied. He looked up at them. "How long have I been out?"  
  
"About a month," Zoe said. "The doctor's thought you were gonna die."  
  
"Been there, done that," Psymon chuckled. He looked at Zoe, seeing the concern in her eyes. Man, she was beautiful, even when she looked like she was going to cry. He held out his free arm. "Come here, love."  
  
Zoe threw herself down against him, snuggling against his chest as he put his arm around her. He felt her sobbing softly, and sighed, stroking her hair. He tried to shift his weight, but his legs didn't seem to want to work. He looked down at the casts on his legs and groaned.  
  
"Psy, your legs are still healing. You should get some rest," Brodi said. "We'll come back a little later."  
  
"Not a chance, Zen master," Psymon said. "I've done enough resting. Now I want to spend time with my family." He reached out at took Brodi's hand in his left hand, keeping his right arm around Zoe. "My real family was a nightmare, so I think I'll just say you guys are my family now, eh?"  
  
"Many a wise man has made his own family," Brodi replied, smiling. He sat back down on the bed. "You talked a lot while you were in the coma, Psymon. Some of it wasn't all that nice. A lot of it was about your family, mostly your father. When you're ready, you think you might want to talk about it?"  
  
"Maybe one day, but not right now," Psymon answered, relaxing back on the pillows, holding Zoe close. He looked down at her, her belly wasn't really hiding her secret anymore. He stroked her tummy gently. "Zoe, I've been thinking. I don't care who the father is, I'll help you raise it no matter what."  
  
"Well, glad to hear you say that, because I know who the father is," Zoe said.  
  
"Really? Who?" Psymon asked, but before Zoe could answer, the officials burst in with the other boarders, all ten of them. Wait...ten? Psymon took a quick head count. Elise, Eddie, Kaori, Mac, Moby, Luther, JP, Seeiah, Marisol....and who the hell was that guy?  
  
"Psymon, maybe this is a bad time, but you might like to meet the new boarder," one of the officials said. The young man behind him just grinned, taking of his sunglasses. Psymon blinked at the pale blue eyes. They were so cold. The official clapped the young man on the shoulder, getting a low growl from him. "Psymon, I think you'll get along just fine with Raven."  
  
Psymon looked at the young man. Something about him didn't sit right. It was almost as if he was hiding something in plain sight, something bad. He held Zoe closer to him, he grip tightening on Brodi's hand. He desperately needed his new family close now. Psymon was fearless, nothing scared him...nothing except that endless black of death and the angry hand of his father. However, this new boarder's smile held something predatory...something dangerous, and Psymon didn't like it.  
  
  
  
End...? 


End file.
